It can be really hard to be a Mom. There are things that break your heart on a daily basis. We went to our Neighborhood picnic on Saturday. It was nice. Good food, nice people. Lots and lots of kids. Kids we don't know. You know when you watch your kids do something and you KNOW you can't help them. They have to learn and grow and blah, blah blah... That's hard and sometimes heartbreaking.
The worst, it would seem, are little girls. I watched my super sweet, super outgoing daughter get rejected over and over at the picnic. And she just picks herself up and moves on. While I'm curled up in a ball on the inside crying for her. She was dancing to the DJ. Joyful, fun, crazy, laughing...just dancing. Some other girls came up to dance. They were just a little bit older than her and they were attached at the hip. Had been all night. I knew they were neighbors or sisters or something. Sarah was so excited! She ran over to dance with them and the three of them grabbed each others' hands and turned their backs to her and walked away. She just looks at me with a bewildered look on her face and shrugs her shoulders and goes back to dancing.
My heart aches.
We later go over to the park to play. There's a little girl over there. Long black hair. Pretty dress. She's climbing the rock wall and running around. Sarah climbs around with her and asks her to play and "be my friend." And the little brat says, "No, I'm not your friend and I don't want to play with you." Now, I know my girl. She can be bossy but she wasn't. She wasn't doing anything but climbing and sliding and laughing. So, my girl walks over to me and just says, "I have to find someone else to be my friend." I encourage her and she plays a few more minutes and we leave. Jamie tells me that the little black-haired girl got nailed in the chest by some boy with a soccer ball and I am ashamed to admit that I don't feel bad for her. At all.
It's hard to let it happen. It's nearly impossible not to step in and make it better. Hard to just encourage and make them laugh after days like that. It breaks your heart. I'm sure I've given it more thought than she ever will. But as a former little girl, a teenager, a young woman, a woman, a mom....I KNOW that this is only the beginning. Girls are mean. There will be many rejections. Some by people that are supposed to be her friend. It doesn't end as you grow up. Even now, at my age, at my stage of life, other women can be hateful. Judgmental. There's the Mommy Wars. It doesn't end. And I know that each rejection will take a little piece and pocket of her heart and harden it. That next time she'll be less open to someone new. She'll be less eager to "make friends." This is only the beginning and it sucks.
But, there was a happy ending for Sarah this weekend. I went to get her out of her class at Church and she was holding hands with her "New Best Friend in the whole world!" She had a wonderful time and made stars with her friend and even though one got messed up they learned how not to mess them up! And when you're 4, that's a major win.
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