The Dreamers....

Sometimes my head is so full that my thoughts are jumbled and the words won't come. I have things I need and want to express to my people, my husband and even myself and I just can't get it organized. I am blessed and cursed with the type of nature that can see all the possibilities for every idea and situation all at once. I can't seem to focus on one thing and take that to its end. Jamie and I both are the kind of people that always seem to be looking for the NEXT thing. That thing around the corner that is going to be better, be more. That thing that is going to be everything we dreamed it would be and has that one piece that is missing.

I don't fault us for it. Not really. The world needs dreamers. Then again, maybe we need to stop dreaming and be those people that live in the situation they are in and make the very BEST of it. Make the effort to make the life we have the BEST life we can. To look at the puzzle of our life and finish the edges.

To be fair, we've been filling in our pieces for a while. We were the pieces to each other that were missing. Nicholas made us a family. Sarah filled in something we didn't realize we were missing. And we're big dreamers. I suppose that all kids really are dreamers at heart and Nicholas is no exception. He has big plans for his future. It makes me proud that he is not afraid to assume he can do ANYTHING. I hope he never loses that sense of adventure.

Jamie and I have a very strongly developed sense of adventure. Nothing makes us happier than planning the next big thing. Given the opportunity, we'd load the family in an RV and live on the road for a few years. Oh, yes we would. I don't doubt it at all. You might not believe it if you knew us in person but what we dream together looks nothing like the life we have. Nothing.

We're having trouble right now trying to let it go. We'll never be able to stop wondering. And I think that makes us the losers in the situation. I often envy people that live their lives and are content with where they are and what they have. Middle income, middle of the country, middle of the road and are happy to be there. They are the ones that win. They take joy in small pleasures and contented moments. And as I get older, and find the need to give up on my dreams, I learn more about the kind of person I want to be.

I want to give my children wings to seek their own adventures and a soft place to land. I don't want them to find me militant over the latest political rant. I want them to find me tolerant and open and willing to listen to them no matter what. I don't want them to find me bitter and stuck. I don't want them to ever think I thought our life lacked anything. For them to know that no matter what, they and their Dad were always enough for me. Always. No matter what. I want them to know that I believe in being responsible grown ups but see the value in irreverence and fun. That just because it is a smart financial decision, it isn't always the BEST decision. It's only money. Life is better with it but it is not something we ever need to spend our lives being ruled by. Ever.

I hope that when the kids are grown and Jamie and I are traveling the country living in our RV that they see that you are never too old to go on a grand adventure. Never too old to start a new life.

That letting go of something doesn't mean you've given up.