In which I went a totally different direction than I was aiming...things on my mind!

For whatever reason, life around here has taken a turn for the better. I can't say we are any more in love with Utah. Maybe we appreciate some of it a little more. Maybe we just needed to get out of that stuffy McStufferson neighborhood. Or maybe it is just that the weather has turned nicer and we're able to be out and about living our life again. But things are definitely going better around here.

I still have some issues and there are things that are bothering me. I do feel they will work themselves out, though. And some things will never work themselves out and I just have to ignore them and remember that I have a pretty fabulous life. Some people never want to admit that you can move beyond your mistakes and the hardships from early on. Who hasn't struggled early in their lives together? Our struggles were financial. And 10 years later, some people still hold on to that view of who we are. It's infuriating and frustrating some times. I just try to remember that that isn't our life any more. That if someone wants to hold our mistakes out in front of us all the time, there is nothing I can do to change that. It's just who they are.

I think sometimes about people who spend all their time and money on their home. I think that if that is what makes them happy and is what they LOVE to do, go for it. We should all do something we love. That makes us HAPPY. It isn't for me. I'd much rather have a week in Disney than a granite counter top. I'd rather spend my time making memories not laying hardwood floors. But, again, that is ME. Jamie and I often talk about what we'll do someday when the kids are grown and he retires. We plan on getting a maintenance-free condo, buying an RV and being on the road. Sure plans change and retirement just got pushed out a little further with a second college education and wedding to pay for. Still, our dreams are our own. And we'll always do something that other people think is foolish. We'll always spend money on the intangible. The vacations with our family. The pictures and memories that will last a life time.

When I am gone I hope my children remember the fun we had together. Not that I kept a nice house. I don't want to be one of those people that devoted my life to my home. I hope they talk about things like the time the raccoons got in the tent, the time they got Mom on Space Mountain or the time Dad caught the patio umbrella on fire. I want them to remember we weren't too uptight to sit in the grass and play, dig a hole to nowhere on the beach, wear silly hats in Disney World, and that we were willing and eager to be kids again. Silly things. Fun things. And that we always took care of them, watched over them, disciplined them, kept our problems at bay and simply did the best that we could. I don't ever want them to think we were so busy making a life that we forgot to LIVE our life. I think that so far, we've done pretty well.

Neither on of us really dwells on the mistakes of the past. We let it go, hope we learn a lesson and move on. And we've been distancing ourselves from people that seem to live only in the past. It can be painful but life is short. We don't want to spend the time we have dwelling on the negative. The distance hurts sometimes but it's the only thing we know how to do to stop the negativity. So, it is what it is and maybe some day, things will change. I hope that they do. I get a wild hair once in a while and push the issue with the husband. He always goes along reluctantly and it always backfires leaving me aggravated. I guess I'm an eternal optimist!

This post went in a direction I wasn't planning. Total stream of conscientiousness (totally had to go Spell Check on that one). The truth is life is always going to have good times and tough times. Mistakes will be made, lessons will be learned and life will move on. Lord willing. We can CHOSE to make the best of it or we can dwell in the negative. We've chosen to find the rainbow, live in the sunshine and do the best we can. We'll never be perfect. We'll make bad decisions. We simply hope to have more laughter than tears. And really, isn't that all we can ask?