Today I hate everything about the NICU. I hate the nice nurses, I hate the mean nurses, I really hate the indifferent nurses. I don't care if the nurses are mean to me as long as they care about my baby. I hate the smell of the NICU. I hate changing my babies diaper with all the wires and people looking over my shoulder.
I hate the other parents that don't speak English and get free breast pumps that they don't use because they also get free formula. I hate the social worker that comes with an interpreter to tell them all their benefits while my phone rings with a call from the billing department wanting to set up payments for our out of pocket portion.
I hate the doctor that just gives standard answers without ever having looked at my baby's chart. I hate getting up, getting dressed, packing for the day and spending my day in the "way." I hate being told to go home and rest. I wouldn't be resting if she were home. Duh. I hate being tied to a pump every 3 hours.
I hate the night nurses that TELL US, they are going to tube feed her. Don't they know she needs to eat on her own. The doc tells us that she needs to take more of her feeds from the bottle. How is she supposed to do that when the nurses don't even attempt to give it to her. I hate that I feel like I should be there for 24 hours. I hate the feeling that I can get her to take a bottle every single time. Why can't they? I hate that I feel guilty for being at home this afternoon but I kept crying today. I just wanted some freaking privacy.
Have I hated on the "pumping" room yet? I hate it. There is no privacy. No lock, no curtain, not even a sign. People come in to go to the bathroom or watch TV or have a snack. I get so damn irritated. I just want to scream. There are like 5 pumps sitting in there. We could have a big pumping party.
I hate that I am getting impatient. I hate that we asked the question today. The one we haven't asked since the beginning. I really hate the answer we got.
And I'm done. For now.
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