A year ago today we pulled into Utah. We were hoping for more stability and a little adventure. We found our adventure, that is for sure! It didn't come in the form we had in mind but I wouldn't change it for the world. Through Sarah and all that has happened with her birth and in the weeks following, we've met some wonderful people. Angels out here in the west. Good people. Kind and caring. And it has given me hope that I had lost.
I feel lighter and freer out here than I have in a long time. I can clearly see the ways I am blessed and want to make the best of this situation. There is absolutely part of me, the biggest part that wants nothing more than to go home. But every day seems to take us further from that reality. Good things are happening for Jamie out here and bad things are happening back East.
But through Sarah, I've met some wonderful people. Some I'll see again and some I won't. At the very least though, I know they are out here. That they exist in this place. That I need to get out and put myself out there and find more of those people.
What ever happens in this next year, I want to know that I gave my all and did my best. I want to know that we TRIED. We didn't roll over and die because things didn't go our way.
Our year in Utah has been up and down. I look at the woman who came out here so hopeful for a new adventure and a new beginning. So scared of being out here but faithful that it would work out. I think about the woman that lost hope, gave up, wanted to throw in the towel and go home. She was so dark and depressed. I don't want to go back there. I miss my family. I wish it was easier to see them. At the same time, we're here because this is where we need to be right now. I'm once again anxious and excited to see what the year brings. I'm curious to see how the changes we've had will affect our family. How we'll adjust. What we'll BE like as a family now.
We did find our adventure. We learned a lot this past year. We found some things we had lost. We discovered some strengths we never knew we had. Who knows what this next year will bring.
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