Time and changes...

These pictures don't have anything to do with anything. They are from our trip to Yellowstone in August. I just like looking at them. It's pretty near to my favorite place on earth. Maybe slightly below Disney World.

It's amazing to me how fast things can change. And how I suddenly feel OLD. I hit 36 back in July and I pretty much took it in stride. No big deal. Then yesterday I'm talking to my Mom about the "older lady" across the street and how we sat up talking from 3:30 AM until 5:30 because "once we're up, we're up." (we were all awake because of a house fire down the street and 3 rounds of sirens and flashing lights and a husband who wants to see what is going on will do that to a person) Anyway, I was telling my Mom about sitting on the porch talking to the "older lady." Ok, she's a sweet nice person and she's 40. Since when do 4 years make her an "older" lady. How am I suddenly staring down the big 40? Maybe it isn't around the corner but I can certainly see it from here.

I remember my MOM turning 40. I was IN COLLEGE. And she was OLD. And I know 40 is the new 30 and you are only as old as you feel and 40 isn't the end of the world and blah blah blah. And, yeah, it's just like me to start obsessing over something that will happen 4 years from now.

Anyway, I think 4 years is a good number to work with. It's good to have goals and all that. I'll tell you though, after the last few years and all the topsy turvy-ness where we ended up in Utah of all places, I just don't know what to expect or even where I want to be for 40.

I'd mostly like to be settled. Maybe finally have settled on a town or at least a state, buying or have bought a house. A little fixer-upper that needs some updating or a nice modular. Nothing fancy. We just aren't "fancy" home kind of people. Warm and cozy is good enough for us. We've taken major financial hits. Losing everything when we lost money on the sale of our home in WV. No savings or retirement left to speak of. We're trying to make back up for that now and I guess I'd like to see us get past all of that financial ick. We've had so many BIG issues that sometimes some of the smaller things fall through the cracks and it would be nice to just have all that cleaned up.

Of course the economy is playing a bigger role in Jamie's job than we would like. We had hoped to maybe work our way back East after our 18 months were up here but that doesn't look likely to happen. Two days ago I was SURE we would go back east in a year or so. And now, I doubt we will. It may be years and years before we can. Two days ago that news would have devastated me. And today, I'm OK. There are a lot of good things for us here. We really have some great opportunities to get financially together, we have a lot of freedom here and so many wonderful places to visit. It's not ideal and it is hard to not have family or friends around. I think in time we could make it work. We have a tendency to run at the first sign of trouble. It feels kind of good to pull up the big girl pants and stare into the fray and know that we'll get through it.

Things change quickly out here in the west. It's 85 today and there will be snow by tomorrow. All I know is that I'm 36. I love my husband and my son. We're together, we're safe, healthy and happy. And that is enough for now. The rest will come.